Do You Have Any Wrinkles?

I Do!

I once attended a very informative Wellness Wednesday Webinar called “Ageism: Let's Get Out of Our Own Way”, where the speaker was Ashton Applewhite, one of the leading voices in the movement to dismantle ageism. She's also the author of the bestselling book This Chair Rocks, which I purchased.

She talked about our culture of ageism and how we are all ageist because of it. At first, I felt some denial and thought, well, I'm not ageist! Then, as she continued to speak, I got it.

She mentioned how we tend to compare ourselves with others our age and look for ways we don't look as old. I remember thinking this way when I was at a recent networking event where there were a couple of older women like myself. Comparison crept in on little cat feet, even though I consciously tried not to do this. I decided to be very alert and see when and where my own cultural ageism arises.

I also notice that when I see pictures of aged women with lots of wrinkles, crow's feet, etc., I sense a tingle of fear about looking older, even though I have been blessed with decent genes and a metabolic age of 66; I’m 83 in October.

Why do we let our physical appearance define our worth? Why do we think other women who look old need a facelift, are not intelligent, or are someone to stay away from? Instead of treating them as equals and deserving of our attention, we shy away from them and hope we never look that way. Society, capitalism, and modern culture create an atmosphere of shame and derision around getting older. This has to stop!

A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with my hubby at P.F. Chang’s and saw a small group of older women being seated at a table near us. One was quite debilitated and had to use a walker. In the past, I would have felt separate and different from them, but this time, I felt a heart-swelling feeling of love and acceptance. I engaged them with a warm smile and felt their warmth in return. We are not separate!

I'm sure you've heard, "You don't look your age," or "You look great for your age!". Here is a great answer: "You look young for your age, too." Often, we older women have some well-meaning soul offer to help us across a street or perform some physical task they deem too difficult for us. It can feel degrading, but be kind in your response to them; it's the CULTURE, not the individual, that needs the anger you may feel.

Another area to be super vigilant about is the Healthcare System. In your medical chart, one of the first things your medical provider sees is your age. They tend to treat you based on a number, your age, not what may actually be going on in your body.

They may talk to you in "elderspeak". It’s that high-pitched, sing-song voice that makes you grit your teeth and want to scream obsenities. One of the last times it happened to me was as I was about to have an injection in my eye. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know if the female practitioner setting me up for it was going to be the one to inject me, so I shut up so I wouldn’t annoy her. It turned out she was not the one, so as I was leaving the exam room with her, I began to talk in a loud and commanding voice, as well as making jokes about my purse. Somehow, that got through to her, and she began talking to me as another person and not an old woman who had lost her hearing. My quirky sense of humor often makes interactions fun and pleasant, but not always.

Speak up for yourselves, ask questions, and don't say "yes" when you mean "no" or want to do more investigating for yourself. Do not be intimidated and talked out of your own agency.

I had a transcendental experience while I was in bed reading a book. I happened to glance at my outstretched arm and saw this:

Instead of being distraught, a feeling of absolute love and acceptance washed over me, and I was in bliss. My arm was wrinkled AND beautiful, and it is part of me, and I cherish it.

How do you feel about your wrinkles?

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